He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
