you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
