I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
