YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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