if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
