I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
zippers are such a cool invention
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize