There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
