you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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