Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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