Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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