I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize