is your mom at the bar?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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