**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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