I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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