i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
