if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
