If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
