This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
