I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You ruined the universe
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
