just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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