Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
