Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
