I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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