i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
