I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
