i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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