grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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