May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
