The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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