Porn is love you can see.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
