One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
