This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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