Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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