dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize