The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
