fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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