I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
