I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
