Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
