I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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