Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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