I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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