you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
