you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
