im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
