when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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