i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
