mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
