Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someone shattered a urinal.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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