once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
