If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
