You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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