i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize