i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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