So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
