apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
