Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've blown a few things in my day
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
