I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I could fuck to npr.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize