Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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