the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
