The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
