im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
