You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
