VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
