i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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