I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
