Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
