yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
