what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Be still, my beating vagina.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
