Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize