Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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