i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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