the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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