That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
