Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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