I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
